page 69 of the hdspe fx manual:

27. Tips and Tricks
27.1 ASIO Direct Monitoring (Windows)
Programs that support ADM (ASIO Direct Monitoring - Samplitude, Sequoia, Cubase, Nuendo
etc.) send control commands to TotalMix. This is directly shown by TotalMix. When a fader is
moved in the ASIO host the corresponding fader in TotalMix will move too. TotalMix reflects all
ADM gain and pan changes in real-time.
But: the faders only move when the currently activated routing (the selected submix) corresponds
to the routing in the ASIO host. The Matrix on the other hand will show any change, as it
shows all possible routings in one view.

And the other question: I can only see outputs from madi one  in the main mix selection pull down

You might be right, I'll check
but then I do not understand the totalmix FX logic

to my understanding:
top row - physical hardware inputs of connected devices
middle row - software application outputs > audiostreams generated by (i.e. VSTi's) or physical inputs funneled through daw software
bottom row - physical device outputs.

so totalmix faders top row faders are obviously only in sync with INPUT faders in the DAW, not with any of the DAWs output faders. these would correspond to het middle row.
it would be great if DAW output faders would be in sync with the middle row too.
my bad missreading that.